Spiritual Awakening-My Version

 I feel that, in my excitement of learning new things, I may have skipped WAYYYY ahead for those reading.

It seems I must first explain what, to me, a spiritual awakening is. ***Remember, this is what I believe. Please, if interested do your own research into the matter.

First of all, a spiritual awakening is literal--it's when you're awakened to your more spiritual side of self. It can be triggered by major life events, including trauma. It can also be triggered by mundane events, like midlife crisis but on chill. I think that's what triggered mine. My kids are (mostly) grown. My daughter is going off to college next year. We are in the process of changing a lot of things in our lives. And, in such process, I started looking at myself.

I have been Mom for so many years. I've been Mrs. Hubby. I've been Mrs. B (or Miss, for those that know how kids are). I had forgotten who I was--just me. So, I began to contemplate that question.

Who am I, really?

Just when I began that thinking everything shifted. I found myself on Google, searching things like witchcraft, meditating, Paganism. I started sensing things I hadn't before. I had memories of my childhood that felt like they were locked away until I was ready. My eyes and mind opened like a book begging to be read.

I also felt very alone.

The more I searched, the more I wanted to share. However, there aren't very many like-minded people in my circle. The friends fell off. Even my hubby (whom I love dearly) didn't understand my excited rants. I have since become more reserved into myself. It is a hard pill to swallow, that I have to "pretend normal," and I have been working to allow myself to be authentic. But it's a work in progress.

My shadow self also hit me like a sack of bricks. I have so much trauma from past relationships built up. I had to sort through them. I trudged through guilt and grief. I relieved the worst moments growing up. I admitted my wrongdoings and accepted responsibility for things. I had nights where I sobbed, woke up in sweat, trembling. I still do meditations to work on my shadow self. But I have also learned it is a part of me, but it is NOT who I am. 

I grew up Catholic. I'm talking go to church and religion weekly, altar server, Jesus is God and speak nothing of any other Catholic. There was a point in my teenage years I looked into more--into witchcraft and Paganism to be exact.  However, a sibling made fun of me to the point that I stopped. I locked that up inside and never thought of it again--until this awakening. It does, admittingly, hurt that I could have been so much further down my path if it weren't for that. But then I remember that everything happens as it should and in its own time.

The dreams--my dreams have always been pretty vivid. I could feel how strong they were. However, most of the time I'd forget them before I woke up. But now--they are SO strong. And, while a lot of them used to have a fantasy feel to them, my dreams have grown to real life. They feel as if I'm on a different timeline, which I may be. I often awake to wondering if any of the dreams were real.

11:11--I am a sucker for synchronicity! I see them all the time all day everyday. I smile each time, because I know that's my spirit guides saying 'I gotchu.' I also experience a lot of deja vu. I especially get this when I take my CBD to enhance my meditations. Yes, I use CBD--I have a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia (look it up) along with Fibro, and one of the ways to ease my symptoms is with a daily dose of CBD. It's fine if you don't agree with my usage. I agree with it just fine. I have learned that I am able to jump to different timelines with this. It's hard to explain, and I am still researching what it all means, so more to come on that front!

Since starting this new chapter, my routine has changed. I do my best to meditate every day. I practice breathing exercises throughout my day. There are days that I lay under my tree, telling it my worries, and asking it to help heal my anxiety. I speak to my house, thanking it for protecting my family. I no longer allow people at my job to effect my emotions. I try to be more mindful in how much I eat--that I'm still working on. I try to move more. I try to live more.

And the final huge thing for me is learning. I want to learn it all. I want to be taught by others that have journeyed this path. I also want to teach others. I want to show them that there's so much more in the Universe than what they see. I want to help heal and do energy work for the greatest of good. When I do energy sessions, the look in the person's eyes afterwards is so rewarding. Each new lesson I learn makes my soul dance. 

I have come to realize and accept that everyone is on their own path. I can't make people see what they choose not to. I can't be like, "You. See this shit--now!" Sometimes I want to. But it isn't for everyone to see, and that's OK. Terra and its residences are going through a shift, and I am blessed to be a part of it.

So there you have it--what going through a spiritual awakening means to me. Have you experienced anything like this? What are your thoughts? I'd love to know!