Much Needed Reset

Yesterday was bad at work. There's just so many kids getting in trouble all at once that are cut-ups in class. They're not bad kids--just all attention seekers. 

When I got home, I decided to let it out. I screamed. I yelled. I expressed all of my pent up feelings about not liking my job anymore. This kids need more discipline in their lives. They're babies. They expect everything from everyone because they don't know how to do themselves because they aren't TAUGHT to do for themselves. And there's nothing I can do about it. And I hate that feeling. 

 And I cried--I really cried. I haven't cried like that in a LONG time. My trigeminal neuralgia/neuropathy usually prevents it. However, after a day of horrible pain, it seams to have eased up. As of now, I have feeling and little pain. A few odd sensations, but manageable.

Which brings me to another point--hope. The fact that a massage technique can bring back sensation and ease the pain in my face may mean it's treatable. Not cureable, but treatable. There's a chiropractic treatment that aligns the base of the neck and spine. That can give relief to the nerve tunnel. Can you imagine???  After two years I could possibly get relief!!!

Back to yesterday. After my crying session, I meditated. I found a guided one that ended up being PERFECT! It was meeting with a monk that helped me rid myself of some of the masks I wear in my life. I cried during my meditation. It was so freeing! I am definitely going to use that guided meditation over and over! I grew up using so many masks...it was something I thought was normal. You mold yourself to your surroundings. So many times I hated what was going on around me, but I just blended in to not cause trouble. Heck, I still do that at work.

That meditation made it very clear to me--stop hiding! No longer will I act in a "normal" way just to make others comfortable. No longer will I mask at work just to hide the fact that I feel we are failing our kids. I will do my best to work on change. I'm only here for a few more months, but if I just keep blind of things, I'll never be happy in those months! And that is not okay.

So yes, I'm sure you've noticed that I write about resetting often. And yes, it is okay to do so. Reset as many times as you need. Reset as often as you need. Just never lose focus of your goal--to fully awaken spiritually.

Be blessed.