Medicine Decision

I have, for my whole adult life, been on antidepressants. I hate that fact. I have often wondered what would happen if I lowered the amount--or just stopped taking them.

 I have decided to do just that.
Starting today, I am lowering my dose. In a few days, if it doesn't make me go over the edge, I will stop taking them. 
Is it insane of me? Possibly. I have tried before and failed. However, I am in such a good place right now. I am constantly working on my alignment and focusing on my higher Self. I have powerful Gods/esses and Spirit Guides on my side. 

Even with all the change going on around me, I feel good. However, I have noticed more and more I'm not good at showing my emotions anymore. I don't think it's because I'm choosing to mask. I think the mask that is hiding myself is from the medicine. I want to emote. I want to feel. And I want to show my authentic self. I truly feel getting off of these meds will do just that.

I may fail. I may go running back to the pills. I may be an emotional mess for a while at first. But I have to try--because what if after my body learns to regulate itself something amazing happens--and I build an even deeper relationship with all that surrounds me.

How to Start Shadow Work

I found this list on my journey through the web today, and I thought I'd share it and elaborate on each.

How to start shadow work

1. Decide if you'll seek therapy or do shadow work on your own.
   
                Therapy should be a staple for everyone. It helps you explore the how's and why's of yourself. Even if it's just a quick check-in to know you're okay. If you do choose to journey without, I suggest then finding an energy worker that also helps with shadow work
   
   
2. Practice spotting your inner shadow. 
             Very often, when you take pause and really analyze the emotion you are feeling, it is either your Ego or Shadow talking. I know, personally, when negative thoughts come creeping in, it is often linked to a past time where my Shadow wants me to focus and heal
   
   
3. Think back to your childhood.
            Your inner child needs healing. Perhaps something happened in your past when you were young that, at the time, you didn't understand or know how to process. Acknowledge your inner child. Communicate with it. Love it. Send it loving and healing energy. Connecting with your inner child can change your view in so many ways
   
   
4. Avoid shaming (or being ashamed of) your shadow. 
             Everyone has a past. Everyone has things they hid in the shadows to not have to deal with. It is okay to acknowledge and accept your Shadow. To help your Shadow is to help yourself heal and overcome even the darkest times
   
   
5. Meditate to observe your triggers. 
             This is a difficult one. However, in order to heal your triggers, you must first face them. It doesn't mean putting yourself in danger of the trigger. It doesn't mean to set yourself off on purpose. In the meditation, you are observing. It doesn't have to be you doing, just you being there is enough.
   
   
6. Keep a shadow journal. 
             Write. Type. Draw. Blog. Do whatever you feel most comfortable with to express what you are going through. Being able to look back at how far you've come in healing your Shadow can be healing in itself.
   
   
7. Express your inner shadow artistically. 
            Can you draw? Paint? Create things that signify your journey. Write poetry of the beauty of healing. Create music that fills your Shadow with light.
   
   
8. Start an inner dialogue.
             Yes, talk to yourself. Not your Ego--your true self--your Soul self. Check in with yourself. It is so okay to speak to yourself. Many times, this practice can help you take a step back when you're dealing with moments of your Shadow appearing.
   
   Remember, be kind to yourself during work with your Shadow. Do not be afraid of this part of you, for the brighter the light in your, the darker the shadow. Healing your Shadow will bring forth and strengthen your light.
   Be blessed.

 

Where'd Ya Go?

So, not that many humans will notice, but I've been gone for a week. It was my Spring Break, and I honestly didn't touch a computer much. In fact, the only time I really used technology was to work on getting things ready for when we move.

M put his 2 weeks in at work this morning. That makes it REALLY real! He and The Boy will be heading up at the start of May. I'll join them soon after Lou's Senior Trip, so in Early July-ish. Yeah, I know last time us being apart was difficult. But I'm living with family now, so I won't be alone. And M will have The Boy. We actually traded my car in for one with all wheel drive-a must in the snow! I had to lose some bells and whistles, but it's worth it. She's white, and I am going to trim it with purple inside. I LOVE purple, but have never been able to express that in previous cars.  I can now! M is selling his truck soon, with the intention of getting a new one when he's up North. It really feels like it's finally coming together!

 I've also been working on getting back into my Craft. I miss the witchy side of me. I've worked TONS on my Awakening as of late. With most of my things stored away, I haven't felt very witchy. However, this time focusing on me and really connecting with my spirituality has been a blessing.

I'm not sure where to go from here as far as my blogging. I have found more of what my direct path is--helping others with both energy work and shadow work. I'm also pulled to helping kids, which is funny because my younger years I didn't like any kids unless they were mine or my niece and nephews. All that being said, I feel that those next steps ahead may be more of a private nature. I have to find for myself how to best pursue my calling. 

I'm not giving up on my blogging, for sure! I'm not sure, however, how helpful I may be at this moment in time.

So stay near, dear ones. I will be around, if nothing else to keep life updates going. Perhaps once I'm in "Tiny Carbonated Beverage" I can get back to posting to help others!

New Ally?

So, I went to the Holistic Health doctor I had been talking about (yes, finally). He sat and spoke with me for an HOUR....60 minutes of one-on-one, detail by detail, health analysis on me. I've never had a doctor stay that long before running to the next patient. I honestly kept waiting for him to rush out. But, he didn't!

I told him my "all in my head" disappointments. You could tell a LOT of patients have that story for him. I can't even tell you all we talked about because there was SO much to unpack! A lot of things I said happened/were told to me in the past visibly displeased him. But I can tell you this--he has a plan. He actually has plans A-C. I have to go and do bloodwork--a LOT of it--15+ vials worth! I also have to do a saliva test. That's just his starting point. If all of those come back normal, he has plans to check more things and go further, but he doubts they will be normal.

He also mentioned--diet. I hate that word. But he pushed gluten-free pretty hard. I told him I'd try. It isn't easy when 

1. I live in south Louisiana where food is life  

2. I don't cook for myself right now

3. I hate the word and practice of diet

But he is really insistent, so I told him I'd try, and I will. I'll work on a plan this weekend to get myself started. It will NOT be easy in the slightest. But I know that the best help in the world won't work if I don't also put in the work. I also had to promise to research and start doing more yoga/stretching. There's some Reiki yoga I want to find for a start. He gets that I'm always exhausted and in pain (like today, for no reason my pain is at an 8 at least). However, just doing a few poses/stretches can help me in the long run. 

I am cautiously optimistic. I don't want to get my hopes up, since so often I get let down by doctors. But he has a new take on my health. He reassured me that he's helped people in my position before. He combines both Western and Eastern medicines. Hopefully, this is what I need to finally start healing my body. 

"It's all in your head"

This latest flair up of Fibro/Chronic Fatigue/whatever it is has me so exhausted. At first I chalked it up to having to wake up 30 minutes earlier to get to work now. However, it's been almost two weeks, and that feeling hasn't left. Saturday, I took a 3 hour nap by Noon. And I still slept that night. 

I'm at the point where I don't do anything. I wake up, work, go home, sleep, eat supper, then try my hardest to stay awake until 9. On days off, I sleep as much as I can to try to have energy for when we do things. I hate that my life is falling back into this routine.

I see a holistic doctor tomorrow. I'm basically going to tell him to run the gambit of tests and please, PLEASE figure out what's wrong with me. I have a Neurologist that doesn't believe anything I find in my research is true. I have a PCP that I have loved for years, but even she seems to have gotten to the point where she's done trying. I need someone to see and hear me.

"It's all in your head." I am so tired of that phrase. I've heard it for as long as I can remember. I have symptoms of so many things that I don't have. Yet, they can never find why I have the symptoms. So I get the 'it's all in your head' over and over again. 

It goes against all I've learned in this awakened path. I can manifest anything. I can change things with my thoughts and attitude. However, changing mindset has not changed these symptoms. I have tried to change my thoughts since it's all in my head. Do you know what happens? I push back as hard as I can, until the symptoms wash over me, and I drown in misery. 

I am drowning. I'm at the point that I'd rather cut "it" out of my head that continue to have symptoms of something I don't have.