Slow Down

Slow down, dear friend.

Your journey feels long, I know.

The pressure builds, curving your spine as you carry the weight of it all on your shoulders.

Take a breath.

Know that these problems you face are lessons designed for you.

It is temporary--all of it.

You don't have to take on the world. The World is not yours to take.

She is merely a classroom, and the lessons you must learn are to build you up, not crumble you down.

You are allowed to not know things. You are even allowed to fail. However, you are not here to not try.

So sit. Straighten your spine.

Breathe.

Allow your Kundalini--your life force energy--your serpent to wind through your Chakras.

You are in charge of your journey. You control how you feel. You control how outside forces affect you.

Slow down.

Breathe.

Enjoy this song. It speaks to me so loudly.

"Slow Down" Nahko

Gratitude

A big thing I've learned to focus on when things seem less than good in life has been gratitude. Listing over and over things I am grateful for keeps my mind on the right things in life. 

It can be as simple as the fact that I woke up this morning. Or the fact that my drive is longer, but that gives me more time listening to my morning affirmations music.

Or perhaps the fact that the past couple of days I've had a lot of rough situations come my way at work, but I have and am building better relationships with my the students that come through my room. I have found a happy medium between being loud and mean and someone that can talk to them. I have found my strict and stern side that can keep the room in order, but also gives me room to communicate with the students when I need. I have found a point where none of what goes on in my room affects me. For a while, I struggled with that. However, now I just take a breath, focus on things I am grateful for, and stay calm. 

The kids that come my way are just that--kids. Some are in here for silly things, like uniform citations or technology marks. I hate they're missing class for those things. I try to make it to where they don't want to come back by making them write. They HATE to write. Other kids are for behavior...most are flare ups or bad days. Again, hate that they're not in classes for the lessons. But everyone has bad days. Heck, I prolly would get thrown in ISS some days. But I'm an adult that can handle my emotions--for the most part.

Whew--That's way off track, isn't it?

My point going back is that gratitude may have saved my sanity for these last few months of work. I am so blessed that I have my own classroom to sit in. After 9 years of running from room to room and student to student, I can rest. Yes, I miss some of my old kids terribly. At times I miss my teachers and the chaos that came with. But I have found peace in being still. 

I am grateful that, as of now, for the end of my educational career, I am happy.

One Less Tie

 We just took a major step in our becoming less stagnant. We are officially homeless! That is, we sold our house we've lived in for over 18 years. 

It is scary, of course. We don't know the next step for sure. But just thinking of it is a rush. We'll be staying at my parents for now. Once Lou graduates we'll have a better vision of the next step. 

Right now, all signs point north-WAY north! I look at it as a one year adventure. We have a place to lay our heads for at least a year in MN. It'll give a chance to decide if it's our next stop or just a stepping stone to something/somewhere else. Besides, as a born and raised Cajun, I need to find out if I can survive the winter! I know I loved it up there when we went for a few months before, but it was also summer, so no white stuff around.

It will be a bit sad being so far from our daughter, whom will be in college back in LA. But she'll have family there to help along the way. And we'll have video chat, and will fly her up when she wants. And I'll fly down when she needs. She is so independent already, I don't see that being the case often. 

There are so many positives that come with the adventure in the Great North. For one, the company that wants The Hubby REALLY wants him. He knows the people and the owner is a fellow Veteran, so that helps a lot. The place we'll be staying is his, and he is even going to allow The Boy, whom, as of now is coming with, to rent another space of his. That way he gets his own space. AND, that leaves us with one bedroom and one spare room. That'll house both our clothes and my witchy things! I am SO excited to get a space of my own! I'll be able to have a spot that is mine...a room that I can center and focus and meditate. A space that I can work on Reiki and finding ways to spread healing and light. 

I'll also be able to be more physically active. Up there, I can go on hikes, fish, walk with little/no pain. The less humid climate agrees with my body. I'd get almost 10,000 steps in a day when I was there. 

I'm also hoping to find a space to build my client list for energy healing. From what I saw in the little time I was there, people seem more open  minded to alternative forms of healing. If I can get that running there, where I can work on my time, it'll be wonderful for my psyche. Don't get me wrong, I love working with kids. But the kind of help I want to give isn't exactly welcomed in the school system. Maybe I can find another way to help...

No matter what, the sale of our house is a great first step. We are no longer tied down to Louisiana. Our new journey can begin, and I am so ready to see where it takes us!

The "C"

Three large black birds sit in my tree

Warning of news that is coming for me

Without a care, I go on my way

My usual routine must be underway.

And then, a coworker, with words so few

Says, "I have something I must tell you."

She draws me in close, enough to draw fear

And whispers sad words into my ear.

The words make no sense, I cannot comprehend

Hospice for our dear coworker and friend.

It got to her brain, that monstrous "C"

It will steal her from this life--from me.

And so, here I sit, in the chair she once sat

Wishing, longing for just one more chat.

I want to scream, cry, let the emotions flow

But I cant. I must do her job. I must go.

Today, I am allowing myself to feel sad. While I do not fear death, the thought of someone as strong as she being on her last while on Earth saddens me. She was trying so hard to hit 40 years of working here---40!!! And for what? She now doesn't have all the time she thought she'd have to live afterwards. I said a small prayer today. I asked my guardians of healing and Angel Raphael to keep from her any pain. 

Today was supposed to be a day of gladness. We finally sell the house this afternoon. And don't get me wrong, I will feel a form of relief when the ink dries. It's another step in our personal journey. And, knowing about my friend's prognosis encourages me even more to not stay at this school to work forever. It adds fuel to my fire to live a life with adventure and change. I won't sit here and work and stress myself just to find out there won't be any "after I'm done working."

See You

Look in the mirror--

See You.

The real You. The true You.

The You past the human form.

See Your soul. 

Tell me, what do You see?

The You that is an amazing beam of light

A fire burning white

Perhaps waves of energy, shaped into your form

Maybe You are a beautiful blend of the most vibrant colors,

Vibrating to the most high of frequencies.

See Yourself. Know Yourself.

Look into the eyes of Your soul

And feel pure love.

Prose

You work all your life, but for what?

To make just enough to keep people happy they don't have to help you?

To have the basic needs and, if you're lucky, a few wants?

Your prime years, the years you can do, 

                                                you don't.

By the time the world "lets" you stop doing something you don't love

You can't do all you've wanted

You put yourself aside for years of your life 

just to do a routine that makes you 

                     miss so much

because that's what you're supposed to do...

Oh, how blessed are those that find their purpose!

The few that get to live their dream

Manifesting the best things in life each day.

The open-minded free, that refuse not to 

                                        just be 

But to live and do and try!

The world makes it so hard on those that find their freedom

But this should be the norm!

Ostara/Spring, Welcome!

Ah, we welcome yet another season!

I am most excited about this, as we should be moving in the next! It is time for spring cleaning, which I plan to do one last time as I pack and prepare for (hopefully) the sale of our house. 

I am not doing an Ostara feast as I have done in the past. For one, we'll be heading home from a weekend near my daughter's school. She's getting her session of senior pictures taken. I am SO excited to see her in her suit and cap and gown. It still amazes me that her big day is so near.

I also, at this point, am at the mercy of many of the health issues I deal with. They all seem to keep flaring and firing on me. So, while I'd love to be the type to be able to travel all day and still have energy to present my husband with a feast, I'm just not her.  Not now, at least.

I do have goals, however. This season of growth, I will continue on my spiritual journey. I want to learn more on how to see past lives. I also want to learn how I can help others in that part of their journey. I'm still in the "baby" phase in all of this. You know, the everything is exciting and new and I just want to do it all! However, I am growing in realizing that I must narrow my focus a bit more. I can research and learn new things. However, I can't fall deep into every rabbit hole. I need to make a map and remember each, for once I fall down one, I need to keep working through until I land. 

I am hoping to spend as much time outdoors as possible, especially while I have my pecan tree in my life. That's a big thing I will miss when we leave our house. I worked so hard to keep the tree happy--planting flowers here and there and feeding it. I hope whomever lives there next appreciates the tree.

What are your goals for the Spring season? Maybe your ideas will inspire others :) 

Blocked

It seems, on the awakening front, I have come to a block in the writing department.

I am still reading, meditating, learning, and growing. I have been getting more and more signs and messages. However, since starting to work on healing my trigeminal neuralgia, I have trouble thinking of other topics to write. 

That being said, I may take a small break from posting. I need to get back to basics--my poetry journal and just writing randomness.

While I am working on that, I hope you continue working on your own journey.  

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Well, I emailed my Neurologist yesterday. I wanted to keep her in the know of developments and such, as I do with all of my doctors. I asked her if she has access to the files of my MRI, because I'd like to know if my C2 has been twisted for a while or not. I told her what the Chiropractor told me and showed me on the Xray, as well as my plan of action.

Her response?

Basically, she said that she had no idea why he'd say it could be the C2 or S2 or whatever because the trigeminal nerve doesn't pass there. She also said that a "board certified radiologist" looking at my MRI and sending her results was enough, and that he said it was normal, so it was.

I was livid. It took me two minutes to find articles and tests from reliable sources that tell me otherwise. Issues with that part of the spine can produce pain that ACTS LIKE TN! And, since starting the massage/chiro treatment plan, my face mostly acts up when I'm moving positions. That tells me something is changing.

So, to release the feelings of anger, I wrote a break up letter. Yep, I opened a Word doc and drafted a letter explaining the breakup . I didn't send it, that wasn't its purpose. I often use words written down to express myself. That's why I do this--I know most of the Universe doesn't look at my little page. I don't do this for the Universe, I do it for me.

I'd LOVE to say that this page helps others and people learn things here and there along the way. I'd LOVE to say that my little journey in this human existence being jotted down helps someone going through things like me. But let's be realistic--one person visits my page on the regular-- Hi Dad!

So yes, I used my words for therapy. And it worked.

And now, I search for a new doctor.

Oh the Possibilities--when you're spine a'int right

Well, friends, I went to the chiropractor. And boy, was I ready! I had notes and knew what I wanted to ask and he even had to get me to slow down because I was so hyper-focused. 

We did XRays. My C2 in my spine is rotated. Instead of facing directly in the middle, it is twisted pretty far to the left. My spine is also SUPER straight at the top, which is not the norm.

THIS can cause TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA!!!!

I would have cried when he showed me, had my eyes been able to function properly.

So now what?

Well, he said to give him 3x a week for 2 weeks, which I will. I also have another massage Saturday. After that, if the XRay shows no change, I take the pictures to a doctor and say "fix me." I am now very aware of what I'm doing when my face acts up. It is much less often now. Sometimes it tingles, sometimes it goes numb. I haven't had lightening in a week or so. 

I am SO hopeful with this progress. I know I'll never be 100% cured. But I can be healed, and that is SUCH a blessing that I'm working towards. I've lived 2, almost 3 years with half of my head alternating from numbness to pain. Now, the things that go on are minimal. If I can go the rest of this life with it as it is now, I am TOTALLY okay with that!

Here's to hoping!

Thank You, Guides

This morning, I had a strong calling to bring crystals with me to work. I'm in a stationary room for now, so I had thought about it a while and just never did it. So, I woke up, did some Reiki morning meditation before getting out of bed, and started focusing.

I walked around my house, and felt what crystals called to me. Mind you, MOST of my collection and tools are packed up still. Thankfully, my daughter's ones were easy access still, and of course I've picked up a few here and there along the way the past couple of months. I grabbed Midas, labradorite, rose quarts power, citrine, flower quartz, and a selenite wand that has charka symbols carved into it. I also have this orb with a dandelion etched into it that has a base and it lights up. Oh, and my bay leaves and cinnamon were yelling at me, so that came along as well.

I came into the room early and placed the stones. They're all near me, by the computer, so no one steals any. I thought of intentions, what I'd like them to do for me, while placing them. And I am so glad I did.

I didn't know it until I got here, but today is a ROUGH one in my room. But every time I feel like I'm going to lose my cool, I grab a stone and take a breath. I allow myself time to remember what I always tell them--only I can control how I react to what is going on around me. 

Trust your gut. Listen to your guides. They always know exactly what you need.

New Moon. New March

I feel as though I've said this so many times in recent months:

This month should be FULL of change!

For starters, I go to the chiropractor tomorrow. I'm hoping to start a therapy that will help heal my trigeminal neuralgia. I know I will never be rid of it fully, but every step in the right direction gives me hope. I also have my annual check up with my cardiologist. As long as he says everything looks good, I plan on calling for an appointment at the Holistic Health Center near me. Maybe I can finally get deeper answers to all of my health questions!

My daughter will get her second half of her senior photos taken this month in Natchitoches. Her suit fits her perfectly! It is humbling to know how close we are to the finish line of her grade school years. While the whirlwind of her final push is going on, we're also trying to plan a senior trip with a gaggle of friends. To say the next few months will be full is an understatement!

Then there's the big elephant in the room--our house. As of now, we are supposed to sell at the end of the month. Just the thought gives me anxiety. We've been so close before, and had the buyer back out or ask for longer. I know it all happens when it should, but I'm more than tired of packing and moving and unpacking and unmoving. I feel as though I just keep rereading this chapter over and over again. I want to move forward in the pages!

And, speaking of moving forward and new pages, the new moon recently came. Did you do any manifesting? Remember, new moons are great for calling to you things you want until the next full moon. Personally, I called on all good things I have afforded to me coming to the forefront in prosperity, health, spiritual abilities, and more. I am deserving of all things good and made in love, as are you. Remember that.